So, you’re on a mission to meet other polyamorous people. Maybe you’re new to the scene, or maybe you’ve been here a while and realized your current social circle doesn’t quite “get it.” Either way, you’re asking the million-dollar question: Where are the poly people hiding?

Don’t worry, this isn’t some secret club with a complicated handshake. Finding polyamorous folks is more like geocaching—you just need the right map (and maybe a little patience). So, let’s set off on this adventure together. Pack your metaphorical compass and let’s go!

Step 1: Online Communities—Your First Stop on the Map

The internet: where memes, cat videos, and thriving polyamorous communities coexist. If you’re not already exploring online spaces, you’re missing a treasure trove of connections.

Facebook Groups: Search for polyamory groups in your area or broader interest groups like “Ethical Non-Monogamy for Beginners.” Here in San Diego the North County San Diego Polyamory Group is an active Facebook Group. Pro tip: Lurk a little before jumping in. Get a feel for the vibe—nobody likes that person who parachutes into the comments with “So, who’s single?”

Reddit: Check out subs like r/polyamory for discussions, advice, and the occasional meme that’s way too real.

Dating Apps: Apps like Feeld, OkCupid, and even Bumble have filters for ethical non-monogamy. Just remember, your profile is your first impression, be your authentic self.

Step 2: IRL Events: The Real-Life Treasure Trove

Poly people aren’t unicorns, WE exist in the real world! You just need to know where to look.

Local Meetups: Platforms like Meetup.com often host polyamory events. From coffee chats to game nights, these gatherings are a low-pressure way to meet people who share your vibe. Check out this link for monthly in-person meetups. Pro tip: If you’re nervous, bring a friend.

Workshops and Conferences: Look out for events like The All Good Things Center's Polyamory Discussion Group or similar local workshops. These spaces aren’t just for learning—they’re networking gold mines.

Community Centers: Many LGBTQ+ centers host events for non-traditional relationship styles. Check out their calendars—you might be surprised at what’s happening in your city.

Step 3: The Secret Poly Code (AKA Being Open in Your Everyday Life)

Sometimes, finding polyamorous folks is as simple as making it known that you’re poly. Subtle clues can lead to surprising connections:

Mention a book like The Ethical Slut or More Than Two in conversation.
Wear a pin or bracelet that signals you’re part of the community.
Drop casual mentions of your poly lifestyle when it feels appropriate.
You’d be amazed how often people will light up with a, “Oh, me too!”

And keep in mind that not everyone is going to be "Yay Polyamory!" So, be wise.

Step 4: Friends of Friends—The Social Domino Effect

Your friends might already know polyamorous people—you just have to ask.

“Hey, I’m trying to connect with more people in the poly community. Do you know anyone who might be open to chatting?”

Join poly-adjacent social circles like kink or LGBTQ+ communities, where overlap is common. For BDSM and Polyamory events we recommend using either the Plura App, or joining Fetlife.com. Plura is safe for work, Fetlife is not.

Step 5: Get Creative (Because Poly People Are Everywhere)

Not every poly connection comes from a dedicated group or app. Try thinking outside the box:

Hobby Groups: Whether it’s a book club, board game night, or yoga class, shared interests can lead to deeper conversations.

Volunteer Organizations: Connecting over shared values can lead to friendships (or more) with poly folks.

Festivals: Renaissance fairs, Burning Man, or other alternative gatherings often attract open-minded crowds.

Bonus: How NOT to Find Poly People

Don’t Assume: Just because someone seems open-minded doesn’t mean they’re poly.

Don’t Overshare: Keep it cool—there’s no need to launch into your entire polycule’s history at “Hello.”

Don’t Be Creepy: Self-explanatory, but worth repeating. Respect boundaries and be a decent human.

The Journey Is the Destination

Finding polyamorous people isn’t about stumbling into some magical hidden society, it’s about putting yourself out there in ways that feel authentic and fun. Whether it’s online, in real life, or through mutual connections, the key is patience, curiosity, and a sense of adventure.

So, grab your compass, take a deep breath, and dive in. Because somewhere out there, your poly community is waiting to welcome you with open arms!