I have heard this multiple times, “Polyamory is just cheating in a fancy hat” myth. It’s a tale as old as time (or at least as old as people misunderstanding things they’re not doing themselves). If polyamory were an excuse to cheat, it sure is the most non-undercover operation of all time. 

What Is Cheating Anyway?

Cheating has one defining ingredient: deception. It’s the art of sneaking around, hiding texts, and pulling out the classic “Oh, that’s just my coworker at 11 PM” excuse. Full disclosure, I have been there and it SUCKS! The cheating I did in my first marriage was wrong and it demonstrated my poor communication skills and my lack of self-awareness.

Polyamory, on the other hand, is the literal opposite. It thrives on honesty, consent, and clear communication. Renee and I regularly sit down and say, “Hey, here’s what I’m feeling, and I’d like to discuss it with you.” Sometimes it is hard, just like in any relationship. And yet, every time it is freeing, which is the absolute opposite of cheating.

Transparency Is the Name of the Game

Polyamory is like an open-book test: everyone knows the rules, everyone sees the answers, and no one’s failing unless they didn’t read the syllabus. Relationships are built on agreements, and guess what? Everyone involved knows about those agreements. If someone breaks them, it’s not “just polyamory”—it’s bad behavior, plain and simple.

Communication: A Full-Time Hobby

Let me paint you a picture: A polyamorous person spends hours texting, calling, and having sit-down chats with their partners. They negotiate boundaries, express needs, and work out logistics like a relationship logistics coordinator. If anything, poly folks talk about their feelings so much, therapists could start paying them for pointers. Cheaters? They’re not investing that kind of time—they’re too busy deleting messages.

Cheating Happens in All Relationship Styles

Here’s the kicker: cheating isn’t exclusive to monogamy, polyamory, or that “it’s complicated” label on social media. It’s about dishonesty, which can pop up in any relationship style. But the key distinction with polyamory? The explicit focus on

open, transparent, and consensual interactions makes cheating harder to justify.

Why the Myth Persists

So why do people keep clinging to this idea? It’s simple: polyamory challenges the status quo. Many people were raised to believe that love is a one-to-one equation, and stepping outside that feels… foreign. Cheating is the closest reference point they have to understanding it, but polyamory isn’t about breaking trust; it’s about expanding it.

Myth Busted!

Polyamory isn’t an excuse to cheat—it’s a masterclass in relationship honesty. It requires vulnerability, clear communication, and trust on a level that’s hard to achieve even in monogamous relationships. So next time someone says, “Polyamory is just cheating,” feel free to hit them with this blog post and a hearty, “Do your research.” Because love—however you choose to express it—deserves better than tired old myths.