Imagine this . . . You’re at an event, hanging out with friends, or at a social gathering and someone drops the "P-word." Polyamory. Suddenly, you’re bombarded with curious stares, awkward questions, and maybe even a raised eyebrow or two. It’s like you’ve just admitted to being an alien (which, let’s be honest, is only true before your first cup of coffee). 

This has happened to me and my wife several times. We were recently at a special event for Thanksgiving with her partner, Daniel, yes she has a Dan and a Daniel. We sat down at the table to eat and these two ladies we did not know came and sat at the same table. Initially both parties kept to themselves, but as the meal went on one comment lead to another and my wife introduced me, as her husband, and Daniel, as her boyfriend. It was clear from the look we received that they were surprised. The initial question they asked was, "are you a throuple?" To which we explained we were not, but that we were polyamorous. They asked a few polite questions, but it was clear that we had violated some code in their rulebook.  

Not surprisingly, people have ideas of what polyamory means. Let’s dive into the most common polyamory myths and shed some light on what it really means.

Polyamory Myth #1: Polyamory is just an excuse to cheat.
Cheating requires deception. Polyamory thrives on transparency, communication, and consent. Think of it as an open-book policy, but with more calendars. If anything, poly folks talk about their feelings so much, therapists are probably taking notes.

Note: That doesn't mean people don't say they are polyamorous to cheat, but now we are back to what is not polyamory.

Polyamory Myth #2: Polyamorous people just want lots of sex.
Sure, some poly folks are very sex-positive, but polyamory isn’t a buffet of hookups. It’s about building meaningful relationships—sometimes with a side of Netflix marathons. If you’re imagining constant orgies, adjust your expectations (and maybe your internet history).

Polyamory Myth #3: You must not love your partner if you’re polyamorous.
On the contrary, polyamory isn’t about loving less—it’s about loving more. Think of love as a pie. Just because you share slices with more people doesn’t mean anyone gets crumbs. It’s infinite pie. (Also, who doesn’t love pie?)

Polyamory Myth #4: Polyamory is just a phase.

Tell that to the happily polyamorous folks rocking their golden years. Polyamory is a relationship structure, not a teenage rebellion. Unless your idea of rebellion involves detailed relationship agreements and Google Calendars.

Polyamory Myth #5: Polyamory is inherently messy.

Sure, any relationship can get messy—poly or not. The difference? Poly folks often come equipped with more communication tools than an HR department. I know that I have had to learn so many skills to have honest conversations, regular check-ins, and sometimes, yes, spreadsheets.

The Journey to Understanding

Hopefully by now, you’re seeing the cracks in these myths. The truth about polyamory is that it’s as diverse and nuanced as the people who practice it. Some relationships flourish; others don’t. But isn’t that true for all of us? The key to understanding polyamory—or anything unfamiliar—is curiosity, not judgment.

Step into the Light

So, the next time someone mentions some polyamory myths, skip the assumptions and start with a question. Or better yet, share this blog post and let them join you on the journey. Who knows? You might just inspire someone to see love in a whole new way—or at least reconsider their pie metaphors.